Phlebotomy Lobotomy

Hindsight sucks. I hate it when something bad happens and I can look back and see a string of bad decisions that ultimately led to the bad outcome. I hear that sometimes you can learn from it, but I apparently haven’t perfected that yet.

Today was bleeding day at work. We have them 4 times a year. I usually go bleed when I feel like I can spare a few cells. Today was one of those days. No bike races for a few weeks, feeling pretty good – may as well make a deposit in the bank of good karma. I kind of think that you should give as much as you get. So far I am up a couple units (3 received, 5 given) but I have been in some sketchy bike races lately so being a little ahead is good right?

When I rolled into work the phlebotomist’s were out smoking behind the building. That was the first clue. Why can’t I ever listen to the first clue? Appointment time comes and I go down to the bleeding room. I noticed that the head bleeder lady was the beginner bleeder lady from the last time I gave blood. That’s not good.

Why can’t I ever listen to the second clue? So I do the questionnaire. It asks like eight times whether I have taken any HGH, testosterone, insulin, and miscellaneous other performance enhancing drugs. Jeesh people, do I look like Floyd Landis? Just because I ride a bike doesn’t mean I cheat.

They take my blood pressure. 94/60. Pulse is like 50. I’m no doctor but I’m thinking if I give blood it will go down from there – and that’s probably not good. Probably clue number 3, but I figured they wouldn’t let me do it if the numbers weren’t good, right. Bloody hell, I should really listen.

They had to call in the head bleeder lady to find the vein. The head bleeder lady that was the rookie bleeder lady last time. You know, the one that had to wiggle the needle around to get it in the vein. I almost listened to this one. Clue number 4. I almost made a run for it. I actually looked at the door, but I couldn’t pull it off.

I bled a bit slow. Clue number 5, but it’s too late now.

I finally bleed out my unit. I’ve got to move it, move it (watched Madagascar while I bled). I get up and walk to the recovery table where the treats are. Whoa, a little light headed. I’ll just sit here a while. I woke up all flopped over to the left – I always thought that I leaned a little left, and this confirms it. I feel pretty good about that. On the other hand the bleeders may have noticed sooner if I leaned to the right. I am just saying. It is Idaho.

So yeah. I camp out on the padded table where they keep the people that aren’t very good bleeders for a while. I eat, then I eat some more, then I drink and drink some more. I was there like an hour and a half from when I got there.
The whole time I am thinking to myself ‘Self, what kind of phlebotomist in their right mind is a smoker’? One with a phlebotomy lobotomy, that kind.

Feeling significantly below average. Left work early. Screw karma, I want my blood back.