SpaceBalls

Space Balls! The little angry man in the big Darth Vader helmet. That was me Saturday. An angry little man in a Darth Vader helmet. I got the helmet as a result of the ‘speed progression’ that I discussed the other day – Also known as my own personal progression into cycling dorkiness.

So anyway I got a time trial helmet. It is big and black, just like Darth Vader. I also added on the grey visor, for a little added Vaderness. I figured what the hell, I was already a dork, I might as well go all the way. Saturday was the first time I have worn it in public. I wore it at home once, but my wife pointed and laughed.

No one pointed and laughed Saturday. It seems there were other people with Darth Vader helmets. Some people had storm trooper helmets. Some even had Bobafet helmets. Johnny Atmos even had a homemade helmet.

I had thought about trying out my TT helmet before the actual TT, but couldn’t actually bring myself to do it. When I lined up at the start Lord Vader was taking his maiden voyage. So I started out fast. Being Darth Vader is kind of noisy, like a wind tunnel or something, but that’s ok.

About a mile in. Going 35 mph, I start breathing hard – like Darth Vader, sounds just like there is a little Darth Vader in my helmet – he isn’t saying anything, just breathing.

A couple miles further. Going 28 mph, (not downhill any more). I decide to take a look around. Bad idea. Apparently Darth Vader shouldn’t turn his head – especially when riding fast. Little bastard shoulda told me, but he just kept sitting there breathing hard in my ear.

Halfway there. 53 seconds behind my minute man. Closing in. Hey, who turned on the wind?

6 miles in. Vader speaks – ‘Your legs hurt. You should have warmed up more – moron’. Little bastard, but he was right.

7 miles in. 23 mph. My minute man disappeared. Hmm. Why is my stomach all the way up there in my throat?

8 miles in. 23 mph. I think my Darth Vader visor is blurry. Oh, never mind – that’s just me going cross-eyed.

9 miles in. 19 mph. This was a stupid place to put a hill. Look up there, a 1 km to go sign. Wonder how far a kilometer is. Lets see, if 1.6 km is a mile – ouch my head hurts.

10 miles in. 24:32. Quick, act like it didn’t hurt.

So yeah, there it is. The Jason Broome TT 2009. The Darth Vader Helmets maiden voyage. 11th place. I think I might take up lawn darts. I don’t think there are helmets in lawn darts.