Maybe 70

I rode my bike to work yesterday for the first time in over a month. I am more than a little disappointed to report that everything was on the mundane side.

I did try the Tour de Garden City on the way home. My first adventure on the green belt section on the south side of the river. It was an interesting change, rolling through run down industrial storage areas, trailer parks, and vacant lots. I felt like an episode of the ‘A-Team’ was about to break out the entire time I rode through.

Maybe that sense of immanent trouble is why all the old guys I saw were carrying sticks. You know, in case Mr. T starts kicking ass while you stroll past at least you have got your stick for self defense. Maybe not though – I have been seeing old guys with sticks a lot lately. On the green belt, in the store, even in my neighborhood..

I know some people might call them canes, but if you don’t need it to walk and just carry it around it is probably just a stick. If you carry it like you might whack someone with it, it may be a ninja stick. There is this old guy in my neighborhood that walks around with a ninja stick. If I walk past with my dog he raises his stick and says ‘aaaiiiiiieeee’ in an old German guy sort of way. I am pretty sure he is a WWII war crimes fugitive – but that’s for another day. So anyway I am pretty sure that he wants to whack my dog, a very intimidating OLD golden retriever that can’t stop smiling and wagging her tail. That kind of makes me want to fight him, so maybe it is good he has a ninja stick.

Saw an old guy at Subway today with a stick. When I walked past he raised it up a little like he was going to whack me. Must have been a ninja stick. I did have my hat on backwards, so I could have been a hoodlum, but Jesus, WTF? I can just imagine he is thinking ‘OMG here comes a 150 pound, leg shaving, spandex wearing, bike riding, sandwich eating biker freak – he’s got his hat on backwards! He probably wants to mug me! Good thing I’ve got my ninja stick!”

I wonder how old you have to be before you can get a ninja stick. I wonder how old you have to be before you feel like you have to protect yourself from a 150 pound, leg shaving, spandex wearing, bike riding, sandwich eating biker freak.

Maybe 70.