The F*** Robie Creek Mildly Amusing Jog

I have always contended that running is a survival skill, not a sport - and I stand by that. I think once I also gave you ten reasons why I would never (ever) run Robie Creek.

You know where this is going right? Well I have been a hypocrite at least since I was in junior high and wore Birkenstock sandals one week that I called Jesus walkers the week before. Yeah, I have been ruminating about running Robie Creek next year. Then a while back someone implied in a discussion about it that I wouldn’t be able to do it – so now I have to do it. God, I hate that.

I thought I would start with a 10k this fall, you know, to see if I could even run halfish of a flat Robie. So I started practicing. So far I have run a whopping 4 miles at once. It took 30 minutes. I am more than half way to the halfish.

None of that is important though. What is, is that I decided I don’t want to run Robie. I don’t want to stay up late to try and register for one of the limited entries. I don’t want to fight over beer from a keg that I didn’t choose. I don’t want to wait in a line to ride a bus back from the finish. I don’t want to be near 2500 other people. Especially when some of them are men in shorts that are split up the side and feature built in panties.

What I really want to do is mock all of that. I am all about mocking. So hear is my plan. I am going to train to run 13.1 ish miles. Then, one day when I am ready I will start running up towards Robie Creek. When I get to Aldape Summit, I will fly the double eagle and yell “eff Robie Creek”. Except I will say the eff word. Then I will turn around and run back down the way I came. I will go back to Municipal Park and drink beer. Beer out of a bottle. Beer that I selected. I realize that this will actually be longer, and maybe even harder that the actual race – but I don’t care.

I would call it the ‘F*** Robie Creek Fun Run’, but I don’t think it will be fun. I am willing to bet however that it will be mildly amusing. So I would call it the ‘F*** Robie Creek Mildly Amusing Run’, but I don’t really think that I will be running. The type of ambulating will be more similar to a jog I expect. So I WILL call it ‘The F*** Robie Creek Mildly Amusing Jog’. You are all invited. No built in pantie side slit shorts please.

I don’t know when it will happen. Probably about the time I am ready for it to happen – which could be never. But it seems like a good idea right now.