Profiling

Holly Crap! I got the coolest new gadget for my bike. A Garmin 305. It is sooo sweet. It collects all kinds of worthless information while I ride, then I can download it to my computer afterword and make pretty pictures.

I am almost positive that it is going to make me a better cyclist. I know, you are thinking that I am going to download the data, analyze it, and develop a detailed training plan that will help me destroy the competition right? Not likely.

Just like the bubble sheets that you use to take standardized tests, the elevation profile just begs to be manipulated to make pictures. If I find a hill and ride up and down it in a calculated way I should be able to make some wicked art. Here is what I’m thinking. This is the profile for my half bogus ride yesterday.

Ignore that red line. That’s just my heart doing heart things. The green line, now I think that is a reasonable rendition of ‘Witches Tit’ a big rock up at Bogus Basin that you can jump off if there is a bunch of snow.

Now think, if I did two half Bogus’s I would get something like this:

Yup, something like that. If once is witches tit, this is Dolly. That’s what I am going to call it. Dolly. When guys get together for a bike ride they can ask ‘Want to do Dolly today?’. It will be a route description with a little Def Leppardesk sexual innuendo thrown in. Nice.

I don’t think anyone has ever done Dolly (except maybe Burt), why the hell would you ride two half Bogus’s when you could ride one whole one. Well now you know why. You can bet your ass I am going to do it. That’s why this thing is going to make me a better cyclist. I am going to have to ride up and down a lot of hills to make cool pictures.

This one is going to be called the The Angry Cyclist.

I’m going to need a steep hill for that one. Maybe Quail Ridge, or Genzel.
When I am done I will blow them up, print them, slap them in a frame and sell them at art in the park. I wonder if I will make more money doing that or picking up change off the road – speaking of – cha-ching – found a copper on the way to work. $0.88.

You better pre-order yours now, just in case.