Ghetto in Our Midst

You know that saying about teaching a man to fish? The one where if you give him a fish he eats for a night, if you teach him to fish he has food for a lifetime – or something like that. Yeah, well that one doesn’t work for wives. If you show her how to do it herself you are not setting her up for a lifetime of self sufficiency, you are illustrating that you are capable of doing it for her – and therefore will be expected to from then on. I just wanted you to know that.

You know what else? Garden City is like a training ride. They are the same in that when I am there I am always at least moderately uncomfortable. Garden City is like a small piece of Spokane smack in the middle of Boise. It is the ghetto in our midst.

There is the adult shop. That makes me feel funny. Not that I am anti-adult shop or anything, it’s just the thought of going in there and seeing someone you know. Like your neighbor, or your teacher, or your pastor, or your parents. It makes me uncomfortable to even drive past, what if you see their car in the parking lot when you go past? Some things I really just don’t want to know.

Then there is Hotties. Home of the bikini barista. Backed up with construction guy trucks every time I go past. You know the coffee has to suck. The location is terrible. People actually go out of their way to ogle for a minute while they get coffee. You know some moron orders a few extra drinks so he can sit there bug eyed hoping for a wardrobe malfunction. Who the hell does that? It makes me feel dirty for the schleps that work there.

The tattoo parlors are nice too. I guess that it was inevitable. There were so many people down there sticking needles in bodies some of them were bound to go pro. Did you hear about the rapist the other day that made his victim break out the windows at one of the tattoo parlors? What are you going to steal from a tattoo parlor? Really. Hey police, I am guessing the guy you are after has a really bad tattoo on his left arm by now.

There is the urban clothing shop. That’s where you get those pants that hang down over your ass. And those cool black and white ‘TapOut’ hats. Because nothing says badass like a skinny guy that can’t walk because his pants are belted tightly around his thighs.

Not far away is the place where you take your 4-wheel drive to jack it up to ridiculous heights while leaving the axel 10 inches off the ground. Not much good for real 4-wheeling, but it does give you a better view when you go to Hotties.

I must not forget the smoke and alcohol shops. Yes shopS. Two in a mile. Garden City is all about easy access to smokes and beers. Swing in for some sustenance Garden City folk. Get the 32 ounce beer, it is at least 3 or 4 blocks back to your trailer.

It’s kind of funny that the average cost of recreational vehicles at the numerous Garden City rv sales facilities is higher than the average cost of a home in Garden City. I guess most RV’s do probably have more features. Not to mention the rv's are mobile, while the homes are just mobile in name really.

The Garden City homes used to have more features, but they sold them at one of the many pawn shops.

What Garden City really needs is a strip bar. A full on nudie strip bar. That would complete the picture. If I ever win the lottery I will buy me some politicians to get the laws changed – then I will open a strip bar in Garden City. A trashy one. Then Garden City would be like interval training. Completely uncomfortable.

Yup, Garden City. Today’s Wednesday’s Tool.