Watcha Gonna Do

I was out riding the other day and saw a few different fellows riding their time trial bikes while rocking baggies.

Believe me, I can understand the allure of a time trial bike. So sleek, so smooth, and curvy in all the right places. The not so pretty places cleverly hidden where it won’t matter. Yeah, time trial bikes are a lot like… Um, time trial bikes.
So yeah, it doesn’t surprise me when I see people rocking around town on them. I mean, who doesn’t want to be seen with a hot, fast bike.

Besides the fact that they generally are hard to steer, the wheels are delicate, and they can be somewhat uncomfortable to ride they are just perfect for commuting or general riding.

It was the baggies that bothered me. So you go to the shop and buy the sweetest, fastest looking tt bike because, you know, you want to go fast. So there you are hopping on your ‘go fast bike’ just like freaking Fabian Cancellara.

Except for that parachute you are wearing to cover your ass. I am no engineer, but I am thinking your parachute more than cancels the several grand you spent on your bike. You better get a tt helmet. Nothing makes you look cool riding around town like a giant sperm tt helmet.

Not to mention that when you are rocking your parachute, err baggies, on your bike it all kind of blows up, exposing your pasty whiteness all the way up to your bits.
How come whenever I hear a siren I can’t stop myself from singing ‘bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do when they come for you’. Man that makes me crazy.

Anyway, yeah, your parachute all poofs out and exposes your pasty whiteness and your bits to anyone coming the other way. I really didn’t need to see that bro. I am thinking I would prefer you wear spandex. I am thinking that much exposure may be illegal in Boise.

That is, unless you are wearing pasties. I think then it is ok.