My First Stalker

I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.

You know, because if you write sometimes offensive stuff and put it on the internet you are bound to piss someone off eventually. There was that incident a while back where I got banned for a few weeks, but I never thought that I would have a real, live stalker.

Well, I am pretty sure that I do now.

I woke up early Saturday morning to the sound of him circling the block like 5 times. I gotta say I was a little bit miffed. I mean, if you want to stalk me fine, but can you at least do it quietly? I only have so many chances to sleep in and there you were ruining it.

Bastard. Get a life.

So yeah, there he is circling, and circling fairly quickly I might add. I knew it was a guy because, well, girls sound different. It went something like this…

quack, quack, quack, quack, quack

quack, quack, quack, quack, quack

quack, quack, quack, quack, quack

quack, quack, quack, quack, quack

quack, quack, quack, quack, quack

Finally the little crapper must have gotten tired and went away, but I had a feeling I would see him again.

So yesterday one of our toilets broke. The cheesy plastic arm thing that connects to the cheesy plastic flusher handle on one side, and the cheesy little metal chain on the other side snapped – so I had to get a new flusher lever and plastic arm thing. Lowe’s had several varieties, but they all had one thing in common – the cheesy plastic arm thingy. Why the hell would you make a nice flusher handle out of metal or wood or something, then attach it to a cheesy plastic arm thingy that will need to be replaced in 5 years – and oh, by the way, is not sold separately. Yeah, it’s a toilet flusher racket. They got you by the poo.

Anyhow, when I got back home – there he was waiting in the neighbors yard. See, and you thought all that toilet story was irrelevant. I would have been nervous, but you know, he doesn’t even have opposable thumbs. He is a duck. I am pretty sure he is the duck I wrote about here. I mean, it looks exactly like him.

He is probably pissed because all of the geese read my blog, they saw how nice it is for waterfowl here in Boise, then came and took over the joint. That’s what I am thinking.

He was waiting for me this morning…



That’s him on the neighbors roof. Hopefully I don’t get arrested for taking a picture of the neighbors bathroom window. That would be awkward.
Duck or not, it was disconcerting to see him there waiting.

It’s ok though. I have a plan, I am going to get one of those plywood coyotes.