Chamois Chuffle

So I was talking to a friend last night and he was all geeked up about selling some stuff on ebay. I can understand that because, you know, what could be better than getting someone else to pay money for your junk?

Well, actually lots of things could be better. But getting rid of crap and making money at the same time is above average.

So I ask him what he sold. He rattles of this list of bike crap and how much he made on each of them. Somewhere in there he mentioned he sold some bike shorts…

I was like, ‘dude, seriously? Were they used?’

He said they were.

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH. OMG! (Tears in my eyes). Seriously? Did I tell you the story about the campy shorts?

I go to the Sierra Trading Post store frequently. They have good deals on stuff in the bargain barn. Some of the stuff there has been returned, some is just messed up, and some just haven’t been sold yet. So yeah, anyway, one time I see some cycling shorts there. They were pretty sweet campagnolo shorts with a nice chamois and all. Well, nice except for that skid mark. Yes, they had received inspector 2’s stamp of approval. Whoa, dude.

Skid marks are bad enough when they have a known origin, but a foreign origin? Wow. Not even Darwin could justify that origin. You can’t sell that crap. Literally.

Well they tried for months. I’m hoping they failed and threw them out, but I am not optimistic. I look for them on club rides.

So dude is like ‘yeah, you told me that story – that’s part of the reason I tried to sell them”. Ouch, talk about unintended consequences. I shouldn’t talk so much.

Used cycling shorts? That’s like re-using toilet paper. Look! There is a square without poo – get busy!

I don’t know anyone that re-uses toilet paper, but I do know some people that re-use paper towels. Yup, rinse them off and hang em up to dry. Come to think of it, I don’t think I have been to the bathroom at their house.

Ugh. Used cycling shorts is like rubbing taints with someone. Which, by the way, is the image that comes to mind when I think of used bike shorts.

That just ain’t right.

No one would buy used underwear right? Then why the hell would you buy used bike shorts. I mean you can’t even turn them inside out really.

I guess actually you could. In fact I am sure that you could. Not only that, I dare you to. Yes, double dog. I will take your picture and make you famous with tens of people across the internets. That is, as long as they are your shorts – not someone elses.

I’m waiting…