A Damn Fine Lyle Pearson 200, err, 160something

I gotta admit that I was a more than a little disappointed with our early start time for the LP 200. See, the teams are all seeded and the teams expected to be slower start earlier. So there I was lining up to start, while in previous years I would have still been in bed.

So yeah, a little bummed, and a lot sleepy as we roll up to the start area. Ugh, don’t these people know how badass I am? I mean, just because I finished last in the spring series doesn’t mean I suck – I was just in a building phase, and had an injury, and my equipment was broken, and my coach told me to stay in zone 2, and I flatted, and I got boxed in, and I didn’t have any teammates, and I thought I would let some of the younger guys get some results. Yeah, that’s it. It had nothing to do with me being fat and out of shape, and, oh yeah, sucking.

Yup, that’s what I was thinking – but then I got there in the morning and realized that all of the most attractive people start early. That makes sense. I am a sexy bitch, why should I start with all those smelly, ugly dudes later? Why didn’t I figure this out earlier?

Uh hu, I rolled to the start line looking sexy and feeling good. Well, good for 6:30 anyway.

Stage 1.
My teammate Masi Johnny and I rode the first stage from Boise to Robie Creek. About 5 miles in, old Masi Johnny Atmos points out a giant flashing sign that says “ROAD CLOSED BETWEEN LOWMAN AND GRANDJEAN” or something like that. I figured that meant closed to everyone but us. I mean, this is the freak’n LP200 people. I was also thinking Masi wasn’t riding hard enough if he could still read and talk.
That’s pretty much it for that stage. We passed some other beautiful people and got passed by some beautiful people. It took us like an hour – 5 or 6 minutes slower than my team last year, but 5 or 6 minutes faster than Masi’s team last year. So we were good on time, and more important looking good in our LOOK!y LOOK!y kits.

Stage 2.
WC and Fonts took the second stage. I took a seat in the motor home. I gotta say, the motor home was by far the best LP200 rig I have ever been associated with. Our driver/manager, I’ll call him the Godfather, kept things rolling smoothly. The other member of our little mafia was the photographer who I will call legs.
Well legs likes to talk. That is bad for mafias, but good for road trips. The second stage passed quickly. I am not sure how long it took – it was roughly equivalent to the time it takes to eat two grape uncrustables and drink a bottle of water. Maybe 40 something minutes.

Stage 3.
So Fonts committed the cardinal sin of LP200 riding by going back to back with stage 2 and 3. Riding stages back to back almost never ends well. Especially not stages 7 and 8. I know it looks like a good idea, but trust me – it isn’t.

Anyway, I tried to talk him out of it – but that’s what he wanted to do. Besides, who am I to stop him – especially if it mean I don’t have to ride to Mores Creek Summit?

I talked to Jason at the transition about the road closed sign. He told me to check with him later as there was a mud slide and they were checking into that. There has always been something a little mischievous about Jason.

Fonts finished the stage in 57 minutes and some change, which was a little faster than he did it last year. I think that is a major victory, because when you are that old not getting slower is a good thing.

Stage 4.
I have always thought that someone without kids should be the one to race stage 4 from Mores Creek Summit to Lowman – you know, because guys without kids are much faster downhill than guys with kids. Well, all of us had kids this year – but we did have WC, who was partly raised in England – and everyone knows the British are a bit off. So yeah, he went on the downhill.

While he was downhilling the rest of us rode the motorhome down. One of the topics of conversation was how bad it would suck to have to race back up that hill…

Stage 5.
So we find out in Lowman that the road is indeed closed and that we are racing back to Boise. Major bummer, mostly because someone has to ride back up to Mores Creek Summit. That someone is me. Significantly below average.

I pretty much just zoned out after that. Masi Johnny rode stage 5 solo, giving me about an hour to learn how to climb. I wasted about half of it making collect calls from a pay phone in Lowman – trying to prevent my wife from meeting me in Ketchum, or not meeting me as the case may be. I got lucky and my answering machine at home accepted my collect call and my wife got the message I left. What good luck!

What bad luck, I only had about a halfy now to learn how to climb. I had seen it done once on tv, so, you know, I had an idea what to do.

Stage 6.
About 3 miles in to the climb back out of Lowman I figured out how to climb. Turns out you just pedal. Huh.

I wasn’t feeling to stellar. Good, but not stellar. I was a bit blury eyed, but I did look around a bit. For wolves. Because, well, I know they are there somewhere. I mean, I know they don’t attack people – but if they were ever going to make an exception it would most certainly be a cyclist. And there I was, looking good with tasty shaved legs and all. No annoying hairs to get stuck between wolf teeth. Honestly, it’s not like I would have been hard to catch either.

So I’ve watched some nature shows so I know that they try to pick off the ones that look weak. I pretend that I feel good. It must have worked because I didn’t get eaten.

I felt safer when I passed some people that looked weak. That was near the top though, about where the climb starts sucking your will to live.

I think it took like 3 hours. The Godfather said 1:18 or something like that, but I am pretty sure he is wrong. 3 hours sounds about right. But I looked good doing it.

Stage 7.
So WC took this one – it being kind of downhill, and him being kind of British. He probably could have beaten us to the next transition but he didn’t. He caught up to a cute bird and was so enamored with riding in her vicinity that he couldn’t ride away from her. At least that’s my version and I am sticking to it.

Stage 8.
Masi Johnny jumped in and rode with WC down to Robie. It took some time, but I don’t really know how much because everything kind of went out the window somewhere around Lowman.

Stage 9.
Fonts rode the short stage from Robie to Hilltop. It took some more time.

Stage 10.
We all rode stage 10 down to East Junior High.

We finished 43rd I think, which really isn’t too good. But you carry a lot of extra weight when you look as good as we all do, so I’ll take it.

So overall, Team Lumberjack finally won it after a few years of coming close. I’m not sure, but I think they care more about this race more than anyone else – which is really kind of ironic. So yeah, they care and are obviously kick ass riders so they won. Props to them.

As in all cycling however, the strongest team doesn’t always win. The fastest team was ICO Exergy – so without time bonus mumbo juhumbo they were the winners. I gotta know though, when you have an Exergy guy on the back of a tandem does that count as half a stage or a whole one? Anyway, good job fellas.

Ride of the day was Rob Deeble. Hands down. So dude rides up the back of Mores Creek Summit, and when he gets there finds out his team left him and he has to ride the next stage too. Apparently after a slight meltdown he does it. So then after that he rests like a halfy and rides the hilltop and final stages too. Nice. 4 out or 5 stages. I am guessing they made him ride Mores Creek the first time as well. Nails.

Excellent beer and pizza at the end. Had to get that in there.

So that was it. A Lyle Pearson 200 fail, but a damn fine Lyle Pearson 160something.