Redneck Throwing Stars

Wednesdays tool sucks. It isn’t nearly as fun using the word ‘tool’ in my blog as I thought it might have been. That said, I am not one to give up out of mere boredom so here it is – Wednesdays Tool.


For some reason I find a lot of these. By a lot I mean about 4 or 5, that’s a lot of anything to find on the side of the road. This is one of the few things that I have found that I actually use – utility knives are great for all kinds of stuff, like cutting things and, well, I guess cutting things is about it.

I’m not sure why I have found so many on the roadside, but I think it is because they are like redneck throwing stars – you know, in case you need something sharp to throw at people on the side of the road.

Ok, that’s enough of that. What I really want to write about is Costco.

Have you ever been to Costco on a weekend? I love Costco. There is something about seeing stuff in bulk that makes me want to buy it even though I would never consider buying smaller quantities. Like Fruit Loops (which I wouldn’t normally buy). When I see a huge box at Costco, Packaged with Apple Jacks (which I don’t eat) and Lucky Charm’s (which I DO eat) I think to myself… ‘Self, you have got to have that’! Some things about Costco are a little below average though.

On the weekend Costco gives out free samples. Your grandma is at both ends of every isle pimping anything edible. It kills me. People flock around the grandmas like a fat kid on a donut. They leave their shopping carts in the isle and go wait in line to be the next to try the free cracker – then they scurry on their chubby little legs to the next line to get their free corn chip. The lines for the bite of chicken finger or pizza role are real long. It’s a real family affair for some, with all 14 kids clogging up the isle to get their free Scooby fruit snack. Pushing and shoving, snarling and glaring – I hope you didn’t come here to shop. Don’t stand between the free sampler and his free cup of Gatorade.

When I go to Costco I do my best to look pissed off so people stay out my way. It doesn’t seem to be working – either I am not angry enough, or don’t look angry enough. I am pretty sure I am angry enough so I am developing a new look. Check this out…


Nothing says angry like one of those mustaches and a neck tattoo. You have to be badass to have a tattoo on your neck.

I have got a mustachio to grow…