The Melmer Theory of Weightyness

So here it is time for Wednesday and time for Wednesday’s Tool. That’s the bad news. There is no good news. I was going to tell you about my new Gloves For Bums program, but it turns out the sweet picture I was going to use is too large to be sent from my phone. Talk about tools. Why would it take a photo that I can’t send. Eff.

So gloves for bums will have to wait. I could write about a person today, but I am trying to hold off on calling people tools for a few weeks. What to do…

I do have this picture. It is tool I found while riding. Maybe the best ever. It is a socket thingy with little pins inside so you can use it on any size anything. That’s right, just like you saw on TV. It is so great that I haven’t used it since I found it.

It has a sexy nylon case. I found it on mile 5 of a 60 mile bike ride one day. I am pretty sure that it weighs like 30 lbs. When I put it in my jersey pocket it pulled my jersey down over my ass and into my back wheel. It pulled my collar into my throat and choked me. That’s how I know it is good. All the best stuff is heavy – it’s a theory I have, there is a direct relationship between weight and quality. There are obviously a few exceptions like bike parts and other things I shouldn’t write about, but overall I am sticking with it. It’s part of the reason that I have this huge cell phone (that apparently takes crappy pictures) – my cell phone is so big and heavy I could use it to hold up my truck while I change a tire. I think I will call it ‘The Melmer Theory of Weightyness’.

Anyhow. There it is, Wednesdays Tool. In all its glory. I know you want it. Reap it.