May in Myopia 5: Bike Surfing Guy

I often find myself wondering if I am the only guy that has weird crap happen to him.

On my way to work today I was crossing the Veterans Park Bridge, on my way to the Greenbelt on the north side of the river. There is a guy coming the other way on a bmx bike. Now if you are over like 12 and ride a bmx bike you might be a loser, but otherwise there wasn’t anything unusual – I was in Garden City after all.

As I approach the guy hops up with his feet on his top tube and stands up – a little bike surfing action. Bike surfing, on a sidewalk, next to traffic, a lot of traffic, with a spandex clad bike geek coming at you. You have got to be kidding me.

So do I play chicken with the surfer (he is in the middle of the sidewalk)? Do I pull over and watch the spectacle? Do I cheer the obvious display of skill? Do I yell at the guy? Nope, in my befuddled state I squeeze past wondering WTF.

I am sure this type of crap happens to other people all the time right?

May in Myopia 4: Spandex Guy

It continues, the hords are out saving the planet – somewhat nearsightedly, and only for a month, but saving the planet none the less. Again riding a bike to work is good, but could people be a little less annoying when they do it?

I can’t help but to notice a lot of people new to this bike thing wear non-cycling spandex gear. Specifically shorts or tights that clearly don’t have any pads. Ouch. Do these people think cyclists where cycling shorts because we think they look good? Yeah right. No padding? Ouch again.

I also enjoy it when people tuck their t-shirts in their ‘bike’ shorts – now that’s a nice look.

Only a few days left…

Going Back

So this weekend was the Treasure Valley Stage Race…

I took the big plunge and raced… Master’s B. I --- INSERT EXCUSE HERE --- so I thought I would race there for the weekend. I had a ton of excuses like ‘I don’t want to race 75 miles in Cat 3’, ‘I have a bumb hip’, ‘It would give me more family time’, ‘No team mates in Cat 3’, and ‘Those damn lost river guys are doing it’ – amongst others.

There is nothing wrong with racing master’s B – it is a happy place – but I have come to the realization that like many other things in life, you shouldn’t go back. Not that you can’t go back, you just shouldn’t.

Well I went back. The race was only 50 miles – the ‘only’ is a change in perspective that I have gained this year. Last year it was ‘Oh my god! It’s 50 freak’n miles!’. We started out on 1-2 mile climb pretty easy, then Dave Beck (who also shouldn’t have gone back) accelerated. Since Dave is an old man, and not in my category I let him go. I only followed after a few people in my category followed.

At the top of the hill, there were 8 of us left (including 5 people who should not have gone back). We road the rest of the first lap like most races – the Dobiacco guys worked, Chris Berry worked, I worked, and the lost river guys sat on back and talked about attacking.

The second time up the hill Chris Berry got gapped so I accelerated and pulled for a while towards the top of the hill. There were 5 of us left. No one worked with Dave so he took off solo. Eventually the other 4 of us started working together to chase Dave (and to gap Chris B). Three of us pulled more than the other. The other sprinted around us for the win at the end. Give you 1 guess which team.

Anyway, thought I would make it up in the TT. I didn’t – lost 5 more seconds. I knew I couldn’t make it up in the crit, but I tried anyway – I got a time prime, unfortunately Mike McDonald got 3.

So I got beat fair and square. Second place. First loser. Behind 1 (shouldn’t have gone back) and ahead of 1 (shouldn’t have gone back).

After the races we all sat back and discussed our excuses for racing masters b instead of 3 or masters a. I am guessing that if you feel like you have to justify racing in the category you race in – you may be racing the wrong category.

Back to pack fodder for me… at least until the next time I go back.

May in Myopia 3: Safety Guy

So I’m riding my bike home last night and come up behind a guy that is clearly commuting, but isn’t all that comfortable being on the road.

He is riding all the way to the right, in the gutter – so close to the curb I don’t know how his pedals were not hitting.

He has his bike lights on even though it is clear and sunny.

He is sporting one of those fluorescent vests.

He probably had one of those helmet rearview mirrors – but honestly I didn’t notice.

That’s all good. Safety first after all. The disturbing thing is that when we get to Eagle Road. 5 lane 75,000 cars a day Eagle Rd. 60 mph Eagle Rd. Heavy truck traffic Eagle Rd. Dude tries to cross against the signal.

I am guessing his flashing red light and cute vest are not going to help him when he roles out in front of a truck going 60 through his GREEN light.

Freak’n moron.

May in Myopia 2: Lance Armstrong Wannabe Guy

Again, riding your bike to work is a good thing. But sheeesh people, get a life.

I am commuting home yesterday on the greenbelt. Carrying my big commuter bag, spinning easy, calling out ‘on your left’ – basically doing my best to be Joe commuter. I come up behind a guy on one of those road bikes with flat handlebars. He is sporting the spandex under baggies look, along with the nice cycling t-shirt.

I call out to pass and as I am going by the guy gives me a speed racer look and shifts down – accelerating. You have got to be kidding me. WTF. Did the race start somewhere back there and I missed it? Is he afraid I am going to get to the library before him and check out that sweet new Jack Johnson CD; get to the coffee shop first and get my latte before him? You’re killing me moron.

I give the guy my best eyebrows raised, not amused look and accelerate a bit myself to finish the pass. Then the dude hops on my wheel. I don’t mind having people on my wheel – unless it is TG or Lance Armstrong Wannabe Guy (hmmm, maybe they are the same guy). What is this guy doing? Is he going to jump around me and take the win at the wooden bridge? or the fireman training place? or the place where the bums live under the bridge? Aargh…

So I proceeded to pick the worst lines on the greenbelt until the dude bounced off. Passive aggressive what?

May in Myopia: No Hands Guy

I hate May in Motion – the month that everyone is supposed to do the alternative transportation thing. I am all for fewer cars, saving the planet and all that; I just whish people could use their heads when they do it.

May in Myopia brings an all new cast of characters to my daily commute – the 4 or 5 miles on the green belt in particular. My favorite MIM character is No Hands Guy. Everyone has seen no hands guy, maybe some of us ARE no hands guy. He is the dude that rides his bike sitting bolt upright with his hands folded across his chest. The posture is usually accompanied by an air of superiority and vanity (maybe even a snooty look on his face) – as if he is displaying his superior cycling skill.

The really good (or bad) ones go no hands over tree roots, around corners, passing pedestrians, and sometimes even through greenbelt shortcuts. Every time I pass one it is all I can do not to tap their handlebars a bit on the way by. I am pretty impressed that they have the bike handling skills of a 10 year old – it just kills me. Riding with no hands is for getting stuff out of your pockets, not for commuting you moron.

Phew, I feel better now.

Since it is May now, and this is my training blog – I put in about 750 miles and 7 lovely hours on the trainer in April.

More on May in Myopia later…

Worlds Worst Mountain Biker

Yes, I am the worlds worst mountain biker. I went for my first mountain bike ride the other day and found out that I suck. I thought that I would be ok, but I wasn’t, I sucked. Going uphill – I sucked. Going downhill – I really sucked. On the flats – well there were no flats, but I would have sucked. On the pavement – I think I was OK.

As with most of my endeavors I started off on the wrong foot. I went out for a 40 mile road ride earlier in the day and did a bit of climbing. I figured I could get away with it because I was going on an ‘easy’ mountain bike ride later. I should have known better – no ride with Chris C. is ‘easy’ - and it was a mountain bike ride, a sport which I apparently suck at.

We started out going uphill (who knew that there were mountains in mountain biking). I thought to myself "Self, this isn't going to be 'easy'".

I was concerned about my back tire spinning out so I kept my weight back, and the front tire kept hopping off the ground – I know, I suck. So I tried to scoot forward, you can’t scoot a fat ass like mine on a hill that steep so I needed to stand and reposition my anterior end. I stood up and the front end was all mushy – I know, I suck. So I imagine there is a ‘sweet spot’ that you need to find for these situations. I further imagine that is sitting with the tip of the saddle penetrating my prostate.

So we get to the top of the hill. It wasn’t all bad there were some cool switchbacks, and gnarly steep sections that I was amazed you could ride a bike up. Anyhow, time to start going down – at least that would be easy right – nope.

I felt like Arlo Guthrie flying down the hill in the motorcycle song. I am pretty sure I hit 80 mph or more. There were rocks, and bushes, and other gnarly shit. There were turns, and jumps, and scary drop-offs. After I accepted the fact that I was going to die and just went with the flow it wasn’t so bad – but I still sucked.

I think it must be the shorts. If I would have worn baggy shorts, or at least less flashy spandex I would have been better?

Spin-o-rama

I knew I was in trouble from the start. I showed up early, but decided to line up in back by my teammates. I looked around and found that I was surrounded by sweet new bikes with aerodynamic tubing, integrated aerobars and fancy red shifters. Then I looked down at my steed – square tubing, a little metal half loop for aerobars, and a crappy shifter with exposed inner workings. Ahh nuts.

Oh well, I was feeling pretty good so I thought I could at least keep pace with the people next to me in the back, and maybe even catch the guys in front of me. We started pretty easy, but it quickly escalated as a skinny blonde chick in front kept jumping and going faster. Still feeling pretty good, I poured on the power to close on the people in front of me….

I pedaled harder – didn’t catch them. Shifted down and pedaled harder – still didn’t catch them. Must have been those damn aerodynamic bikes they had. Defeated, I resolved to just sit behind them the rest of the way. Depressed, it seemed like I wasn’t going anywhere. Just the same butts in front of me. When you sit on the same wheel for too long you notice things you would normally see – like I could see the tags of the guys shorts in front of me through the spandex. Now that is just wrong.

I guess that is just how fitness instructors and spin bike riders role. I hope I don’t see another spin bike (or short tags) again.

God's Country

God’s Country, God’s Gospel, God’s Classical, God’s Rock, God’s Pop, and even God’s Punk! Have you ever noticed that when you are on a roadie in rural anywhere that the only radio stations you can get are religious channels?

I just got back from a little work related roadie to the armpit of Idaho, Lewiston. I shouldn’t say armpit, it really is quite a nice place – especially if you like the smell of pulp mills.

Anyhow, when you drive to Lewiston you go through about 100 miles of ‘radio free Idaho’. Well almost radio free. There are those religious stations – you know, the religious country music channel, the religious pop music channel, the religious talk channel, and even the religious punk channel.

I decided to give it a chance on the way to Lewiston this time. It didn’t last too long.

I discovered whatever the beat, whatever the riff, the chorus was always the same. It was either ‘I love Jesus’ or ‘I’m not worthy’. Don’t get me wrong – there is nothing wrong with loving Jesus (there may be something wrong with feeling that you aren’t worthy though) – it just isn’t what I need to keep me awake on my way home.

Why aren’t there any normal stations out there anyway?

Thank You, ‘play my iPod through the car stereo inventor guy’. I couldn’t have made it without you.