Plumbing for the Holidays

So I went all plumber the other day and cleaned the drain in one of our bathroom sinks. It was a little gnarly. Like someone took a growler in the sink. A big hairy growler. It was more than a little bit nasty, I mean Mr. Hanky Poo couldn’t have lived in there. Who knew that if you mixed hair and toothpaste it turned into crude oil in the drain pipe?

Speaking of gnarly, my favorite holiday is coming up. Well, no, actually, not really my favorite. Columbus day is my favorite – whats not to like about Columbus. I mean dude thought out of the box and believed that the world was round, then bumps into the new world trying to prove it. So yeah Columbus rocks, but his day is my favorite because I don’t have to work and most other people do.

I guess honestly Valentines Day isn’t even second favorite. That would be Veterans Day. Yeah, because Veterans rock like Columbus – probably even more. But the best part is that I don’t have to work and most other people do. Admittedly I do feel guilty about this one, because I don’t have to work, and a boat load of Veterans do. What’s the point of having your own day if you have to work (and wankers like me don’t). Yeah, that’s a real bitch. Veterans Day should be for Veterans – but until that happens rest assured that I will be relaxing on your behalf.

I would say Valentines Day is third, but I kind of like Presidents Day too. You see, on Presidents Day I don’t have to work, and, well, lots of other people do.
MLK day rocks too. Except for the part where the insecure people of Idaho call it Human Rights Day.

So yeah, anyway, Valentines Day is right up there. Probably in the top ten, maybe.

I wonder if that stuff burns? The stuff in the drain pipe I mean. Next time…

My favorite part about Valentines Day is that every jewelry store and flower shop on the planet tries to use guilt as a sales tactic. I really like the commercials from Jared. It’s the Galleria of Jewelry don’t you know. I don’t know what a galleria is, but I know a galley is like a slave boat – so a galleria must be a boatload of jewelry for slaves. Or something like that.

They have these commercials where they make a big deal about the Jared box and say “he got it at Jared”. You know, because getting something from somewhere else is, uh, less good.

If it does burn, I think I may have solved the oil crisis. You know, the black stuff in my sink. Well, solved it until I run out of hair entirely – which may not be long now.

While I don’t really thinking that one place is superior to all others for your Valentines Day shopping I am thinking that there are some places you may want to steer clear of. Like this place that a friend pointed out the other day…



Hmm, yeah, let me zoom out a bit.



There we go.

Here you go honey, it didn’t work out so well for the last person – but I am sure it will be much better for you!

I wonder if they have Jared boxes there.