I Think I Am Going To Be Sick

One of my friends at work told me yesterday that he never gets sick. I didn’t point out to him that he had missed several days of work the previous week because, well, he was sick. Or at least that was his story.

The reason I bring it up is that I am planning on getting sick next week. I am flying to Colorado next Monday – yea inlaws! Three hours of re-circulated air with my 150 best friends in an oversized soda can. It will be so great.

So I decided that I would get my swine flu vaccine. I heard that it isn’t really a vaccine, that they are really just implanting microchips so the government can track us. After some careful consideration I decide to take the chance. I mean all the really good stuff about me they could just read about on my blog or facebook page, and if they really wanted to know anything else about me they could just buy it from google.

Right, the government is tracking your ever so interesting life. They could learn everything they wanted to know about you from the bumper stickers on your car. I mean, if you have a car.

Anyhow, so I go to the vaccine clinic. Wait in a bit of a line. This teenage girl behind me has tuberculosis or something. Lung butter abounds. I am thinking the trip may be counter productive – swine flu no, tuberculosis yes. I am not too pleased with the experience so far, but then I see this guy (the one in the middle of the pic)…


Whoa, there is a small mammal on his head! Holly crap! I’m no expert, but I think it’s a badger. Or at least it was a badger. Damn, that’s rich. Looks like Davey Crocket. Daavveeyyy, Daavveeeyyy Crocket, king of the wild frontier. Seriously, look…


As I get closer though it becomes evident that it isn’t a badger. It’s the dudes hair. I wish I had hair. It looks like Billy Ray Cyrus or Simon Le Bon. Actually I am pretty sure it was Simon Le Bon. So yeah, not a badger, just big hair. Not a mammalian tail, just mulletude.


Nice. How can you not love that.

So I get implanted. It didn’t really hurt. Its amazing how small they make microchips these days.

They make me go to the holding pen for 15 minutes, you know, in case my body rejects the chip or something. I select a seat as far away from everyone else as I can. It’s not that I am anti-social, I just don’t like people.

It was all good until tuberculosis girl and her mother come and sit near me. It’s not enough that she has tb, but she is crying as well. Seriously? Crying for a flu shot? I mean waiting in line was more painful. OMG! Besides, Simon Le Bon is there - you should be happy.

Unreal. Crying about a flu shot. I don't think her mother could believe it either. To top it of mother and daughter are sporting their pajama pants. I think there are like two, maybe three people that can pull off pajama pants in public without looking like a lazy slob - well without people noticing that they look like a lazy slob. Anyway, these two were not among that group.

The trainer calls...