Valentine's Anguish

Valentine’s Day is this weekend. Valentine’s Day is my least favorite holiday. Valentine’s Day may be my least favorite day period. Except for maybe prostate exam day. So anyway Valentine’s Day is this weekend.

Valentine’s Day is all about the gift. Good gift = good day and game over until next year. Bad gift = crappy couple of days and grief periodically till next year. Over the past several years I have come to the conclusion that the quality and success of the gift is directly related to the amount of anguish that it causes the giver. The more anguish, the more better.

Some gifts are straight forward, and just cause financial anguish. These are the easiest, but also the most expensive. Now don’t think I am talking about jewelry or flowers here, those are an entire different kind of anguish.

Flowers and Jewelry are the cause of intellectual anguish. The kind of anguish caused by purchasing something that clearly isn’t worth it’s cost. You know, like spending $80 on flowers that will die in a few days – or spending thousands on a rock. A rock that has no function other than to shine. That is intellectual anguish, the anguish you get from jewelry and flowers.

Then there is mental anguish. This is the anguish you get when you deliberately cause your own discomfort for your significant others benefit. This is the kind of anguish you get from going to a cultural event, or maybe even taking dance lessons – all to make your significant other happy. You often come up with this kind of anguish by ‘thinking out of the box’.

You can mix the anguii as well. For example, this year I am going for the financial/mental anguish combo – by going to an expensive cultural event. If someone hadn’t stolen my bank card # this morning I could have gone for the trifecta of anguish by purchasing a chaser of flowers.

Anyhow, I hope you are all experiencing some anguish tomorrow. If not, good luck to you.