Liquid Fire and the Poo Paradox

One day last week I went to bed. Half hour later I had to get up and poo. Half hour later had to get up and poo again – that’s odd. Half hour later had to get up and poo again – that’s bad. Half hour later had to get up and poo again – that’s a little soft. Half hour later had to get up and poo again – downright liquidy. Half hour later had to get up and poo again – think I might be sick. Half hour later had to get up and poo again – liquid fire. Half an hour later had to get up and poo again – wish I could just puke, my butt hurts. Half an hour later had to get up and poo again – yes, yes I believe I am sick. Half hour later I had to get up and poo again – wonder if I should go to work today. Half hour later I am clenching up – don’t want to poo no more. Half an hour later I had to get up and poo – where is it all coming from? I really am full of it.

A little later I was laying in be wondering if I could make it all the way to work without pooing in my chamois. No, but maybe in my truck – if I drive fast and hit all the lights. The wife yells from downstairs that my son has a rash and a fever. Thinking that my wife is exaggerating I waddle downstairs to check it out. Nope, no exaggeration, he looks like acne kid and is burning up. Guess I am not going to work now. What a wuss. I need to TTFU.

My son got better in a day. Not me. I transitioned from pooing liquid fire to pooing liquid fire with razor blades. It kind of hurt. No worries, it only lasted like 2 and half days.

I decide to go on my race team ride on day three. I made it over three hours without pooing! Way to go sphincter! If my legs were as strong as my sphincter I would be golden (brown).

Then began the poo paradox. I think my bum-whole shrunk over the three days of liquid fire, so pooing normal didn’t feel so good. The paradox was that if I pood it hurt – If I didn’t poo it got bigger and got more plentiful so it hurt more when I did poo. You know, damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

Still ain’t quite right. No, my butt ain’t either.