Voo Doo and Mt. Doom

Did you ever see that movie with the Hobbits that had to climb the gnarly mountain and throw the evil ring in the cracks of doom? That was me on Saturday – I was the hobbit that had to carry the ring – you know, the one that it sucked the most for. The mountain was Mt. Harrison down by Albion, it is just like Mt Doom from the movie only a little bit steeper – especially at the top. There wasn’t a ring, or a crack of doom – but the part about it sucking, that part was definitely there.

The ride was only like 17 miles, and there was only one hill, so how hard could it be, right? Pomerelle Ski resort (which is on Mt. Doom) is probably the flattest, lamest ski resort in America so how hard could it be to ride a bike to the top, right?

It may have been ok if I hadn’t gone to the Voodoo doctor the day before. Definitely shouldn’t go to a Voodoo doctor for the first time ever the day before a race. The Voodoo guy made my body go all Rice Crispies, made me feel all loosey goosey, and told me to take it easy for a few days. Well I am a specialist at taking it easy during bike races – so I thought it would be no problem. Little did I know that you can’t take it easy on Mt. Doom.

I was good for the first mile. After that it was all downhill (figuratively) and all up hill (literally). After a nice chat with a friend in the pack I dropped off the back and settled in to take it easy. A few miles later random body parts were hurting. A few miles after that someone put a belt around my chest and cinched it up as tight as it would go – oh, nevermind that was just the heartrate monitor. Speaking of, – 180 – that’s not good. A few miles after that all my body parts hurt. A few miles after that I was halfway there (oh oh living on a prayer).

Someone told me that the last few miles were the worst, so I knew when I was feeling the suckiest ever that I must be getting close to the top. Just around the next corner, dough! The next corner for sure, dough! A couple miles worth of dough! And then I saw the two miles to go sign. WTF, there isn’t anywhere up to go – just that cliff. So two nasty switchbacks up the cliff. I think the grade was about 100% give or take a few %. It is hard to ride straight when your head is spinning. If only I could turn the pedals as fast as my head.

So like 8 hours later I made it to the top. Eff, nice view – but it wasn’t worth it. 3 days out and random body parts still hurt. Never, ever again, at least until next year.