It Ain't What it Used to Be

I am a little disappointed. I started riding my bike to work more consistently a few weeks ago and I haven’t seen anything spectacularly strange. I think I may have lost my bike commuting mojo. It may be because I have been riding my racing bike to work.

Nothing says wanker, and scares off spectacularly strange events like riding an expensive bike to work on the gb. I normally ride my beater commuter bike to work, but see, I have three bikes and only about 2.5 bikes worth of bike bits – and right now the commuterpig is on the short end of the bit supply. Perhaps I will have to purchase some more bike bits. I never have enough bits.

Anyhow, I have seen the regulars – you know, double wide stroller lady, extendo leash dog walker guy, and too cool to move over gangsta hoodlums – but nothing great. The closest I have seen to greatness recently was no hands guy.

I really hate no hands guy. Rocking down the gb with an air of superiority because he has mastered the rocket science that is riding your bike with no hands. I can imagine meeting this guy in some social setting, he finds out you like to ride bikes, and he lets loose with – “ya know, I can ride with no hands”. Um, really?

It’s pretty hard you know. You have to let go of the handlebars and sit up. No half assed sitting up – then you will wreck, you need to sit up all the way. You steer the bike with your hips – just like you do when you have your hands on the bars, you just don’t notice it so much.
Great, now you can be no hands guy too.

It’s not that I don’t like no hands riding, I mean there is a place for it, but that place is not on a busy gb. And it’s not that there is no purpose for no hands riding, there is, but that purpose is not to stroke your ego. Yup, no hands riding was invented for flying the double eagle – or this, which according to a friend is the British equivalent.



That’s not exactly true. Actually he said it means “shove that up your arse and smoke it you bunch of wheel-sucking bastards.” But you get the idea.

Sorry, I just wanted to put that picture on my blog.

No hands guy reminds me of high school football guy. The guy that thinks he is great at everything because, you know, he played high school football?

Anyhow, I saw no hands guy texting on the gb. Never seen texting and riding before. At least he had a reason to ride no hands other than to stroke his ego. Nonetheless, if you are blasting out a text while operating a moving vehicle you may be an asshat.

Would it be wrong of me to accidentally brush no hands guys handlebars while going past?