Chicks Dig It

Finally, my last cycling event of the season. After a long year of downs with a few ups here and there I am very much ready to quit cycling forever, or at least until next week – whichever comes first.

The last event is the Bogus Basin Hill Climb. Optimistically it is a short 13 mile ride with only one hill. Pessimistically it is a 15 mile 3,500 vertical foot bitch with a few short sections of respite. Realistically it is just a hill, not that steep, but kind of long.

Usually I know that things are going to go bad from the beginning. Saturday was different. I lined up reasonably close to the front – there were probably only 100 riders in front of me. I felt pretty good for the first couple miles. Then reality hit. The reality is that I am fat, and out of shape, and have a chronic hip injury. Reality really kind of sucked.

So there I am about half way up Bogus basking in the suckiness. So much suckiness that I got passed by a BYRDS kid in baggy spandex – I think he might have been 10. Anyhow, basking in the suckiness – and I think, 'God, this sucks…'

God – ‘Well, yeah, what did you expect?’

Me – ‘I expected a little less suckiness, a little help please?’

God – ‘I think you need a new hobby’

Me – ‘Like?’

God – ‘Like something that doesn’t require leg shaving to start with’

Me – ‘But chicks dig shaved legs’

God – ‘Really?’

Me – ‘No, not really – but I kind of like it’

God – ‘Elmer, there is no hope for you’

Me – ‘Barrack says there is hope’

God – ‘Barrack doesn’t know you’

Me – ‘Maybe you could arrange…’

God – ‘Shut up and ride’

And then things got better. Much better. My legs loosened up, my head cleared up, and I felt pretty good. I started catching people.

That chat with God really helped. It was either that or shifting to my small chainring after for the 4 miles in the big one – oops. You would think you would notice something like that.

I caught and passed the baggy spandex BYRDS kid on the last corner – now that is something to carry me over to next year. It is going to be a hard winter.

I think I am going to take Gods advice an try a new hobby for a while. I’m thinking alcoholic – I think I can do that. I am still going to shave my legs though.