Roadside Lost and Found: Episode 1, the Receiver Hitch Pin

When you spend a lot of time on the road, you find a lot of things on the road. My favorite thing to find is tools. A friend of mine from college really enjoyed finding porn – he was really good at it too.

It is pretty unbelievable how much crap there is out there – but probably even more interesting are the hidden mysteries associated with each item. For example, how did that shoe end up there, why is that cell phone smashed here, and recently for me – why the hell is there a receiver hitch pin on the side of the road…

In case you don’t recognize it, this little piece of metal is almost all that holds that huge boat, camper, or horse trailer onto the back of that huge (gas sucking) SUV or (diesel chugging)Ford F-350 that just roared past you. Every time I see one of these on the side of the road (twice now) I imagine there had to be a phone call like this…

(insurance guy) Hello, Joe’s Insurance…

(lost pin guy) Hi Joe, this is Richard, Richard Payne – I need to make a claim.

(insurance guy) Tell me what happened Mr. Payne…

(lost pin guy) Well, I was driving down Eagle Road and the boat just popped off the back of my truck…

(insurance guy) Weren’t you using safety chains?

(lost pin guy) Wwwhhhaaattt?

(insurance guy) Never mind, did the boat hit anything?

(lost pin guy) No, just bounced off some spandex freak bike guy. He left a smear down the side of the boat – but I am pretty sure it will buff out.

(insurance guy) Thank god it didn’t hit a mailbox or something, it may have damaged the fiberglass.

(lost pin guy) Yeah, no kidding.

(insurance guy) Thank God for small miracles…

The Best of Times, The Worst of Times

I think I might have stolen that phrase from someone. That’s ok, it wasn’t even a very good book – over rated. Not enough character development on Mr. Carton. Great Expectations was more my style. Anyhow…

The Tour of Eagle, it was the best of times, it was the worst of times. It was the best because my club supported the race, and almost all the people who volunteered showed up, better yet some people who didn’t volunteer showed up. Bonus!

It was the worst of times because my race SUCKED! I mean, it really SUCKED. It’s never good when a cat 3 loser like myself lines up behind someone from the local stud teams – BOB’s. Not good for the Cat 3 loser anyway. I think I got lapped maybe 10 laps in, probably not that many.

Now, I have never claimed to be a criterium rider, or even claimed to like them, but that was ridiculous. I do have 2 comforts though. The first is that a lot of other riders didn’t finish either. I even ran into a friend from another team before the end, we got dropped simultaneously and had a nice chat about it while we waited to get pulled.

One of my teammates even pulled me aside at the end and asked if anyone told me that this was a race, not a social ride? You know, sometimes you gotta take what you can get!

The second comfort is that I woke up the next day with a nasty cold. It must have impeded my performance the night before. That’s my excuse and I am sticking to it…

Climate Change

Someone told me yesterday it was Juneuary. That sounds about right.

Welcome to Juneuary everybody.

40 degree commute yesterday morning. I could see my breath. My nose was running. There was fresh snow in the foothills. Eff man.

Welcome to Juneuary indeed.

Stage 8: My Own Personal Hell

I wanted to pull over and cry. I would have but I didn’t have the energy. It was easier to keep pedaling.

About 66 miles into my 112 mile day the bonk hit. It hit hard. One minute I was ok, next BOOM!!! The shot heard ‘round my head. The first few times I got dropped I had the energy to yell. The next few I gasped. The next few I just grunted. Finally I decided screw it, they will notice I am not there in a while.

In retrospect I should have taken it easier on stage 7. In retrospect I should have eaten after stage 5 even though I felt like puking. In retrospect I should have chosen fat, slow team mates. In retrospect I shouldn’t have signed up in the first place. Ah, retrospect.

I ate all the gel in my jersey, I ate Milt’s energy food, I ate Chris’s gel. I drank all my water. I didn’t taste any of it. The only thing I tasted was pain.

My head didn’t start to spin till I was 5 miles from the transition. The hallucinations started a little bit after that. Do you see the size of that chicken? Oh, no – that’s just Milt – the legs looked like chicken. Sorry Milt. I hope hell isn’t like this.

We passed some people while I was in my own personal hell – it must have really sucked to be them.

Stage 8 finished. I hoped Darin rode slow – I had to ride stage 10. I ate a sandwich, I ate a banana, I drank a bottle of accelerade, I drank a bottle of water.

I got on my bike and rode in the 4 hole all the way to Ketchum behind Milt, Chris, and Darin averaging over 32 mph. Woo Hoo! What a ride.

I can’t wait till LP200 – 2009!

May in Myopia 5: Bike Surfing Guy

I often find myself wondering if I am the only guy that has weird crap happen to him.

On my way to work today I was crossing the Veterans Park Bridge, on my way to the Greenbelt on the north side of the river. There is a guy coming the other way on a bmx bike. Now if you are over like 12 and ride a bmx bike you might be a loser, but otherwise there wasn’t anything unusual – I was in Garden City after all.

As I approach the guy hops up with his feet on his top tube and stands up – a little bike surfing action. Bike surfing, on a sidewalk, next to traffic, a lot of traffic, with a spandex clad bike geek coming at you. You have got to be kidding me.

So do I play chicken with the surfer (he is in the middle of the sidewalk)? Do I pull over and watch the spectacle? Do I cheer the obvious display of skill? Do I yell at the guy? Nope, in my befuddled state I squeeze past wondering WTF.

I am sure this type of crap happens to other people all the time right?

May in Myopia 4: Spandex Guy

It continues, the hords are out saving the planet – somewhat nearsightedly, and only for a month, but saving the planet none the less. Again riding a bike to work is good, but could people be a little less annoying when they do it?

I can’t help but to notice a lot of people new to this bike thing wear non-cycling spandex gear. Specifically shorts or tights that clearly don’t have any pads. Ouch. Do these people think cyclists where cycling shorts because we think they look good? Yeah right. No padding? Ouch again.

I also enjoy it when people tuck their t-shirts in their ‘bike’ shorts – now that’s a nice look.

Only a few days left…

Going Back

So this weekend was the Treasure Valley Stage Race…

I took the big plunge and raced… Master’s B. I --- INSERT EXCUSE HERE --- so I thought I would race there for the weekend. I had a ton of excuses like ‘I don’t want to race 75 miles in Cat 3’, ‘I have a bumb hip’, ‘It would give me more family time’, ‘No team mates in Cat 3’, and ‘Those damn lost river guys are doing it’ – amongst others.

There is nothing wrong with racing master’s B – it is a happy place – but I have come to the realization that like many other things in life, you shouldn’t go back. Not that you can’t go back, you just shouldn’t.

Well I went back. The race was only 50 miles – the ‘only’ is a change in perspective that I have gained this year. Last year it was ‘Oh my god! It’s 50 freak’n miles!’. We started out on 1-2 mile climb pretty easy, then Dave Beck (who also shouldn’t have gone back) accelerated. Since Dave is an old man, and not in my category I let him go. I only followed after a few people in my category followed.

At the top of the hill, there were 8 of us left (including 5 people who should not have gone back). We road the rest of the first lap like most races – the Dobiacco guys worked, Chris Berry worked, I worked, and the lost river guys sat on back and talked about attacking.

The second time up the hill Chris Berry got gapped so I accelerated and pulled for a while towards the top of the hill. There were 5 of us left. No one worked with Dave so he took off solo. Eventually the other 4 of us started working together to chase Dave (and to gap Chris B). Three of us pulled more than the other. The other sprinted around us for the win at the end. Give you 1 guess which team.

Anyway, thought I would make it up in the TT. I didn’t – lost 5 more seconds. I knew I couldn’t make it up in the crit, but I tried anyway – I got a time prime, unfortunately Mike McDonald got 3.

So I got beat fair and square. Second place. First loser. Behind 1 (shouldn’t have gone back) and ahead of 1 (shouldn’t have gone back).

After the races we all sat back and discussed our excuses for racing masters b instead of 3 or masters a. I am guessing that if you feel like you have to justify racing in the category you race in – you may be racing the wrong category.

Back to pack fodder for me… at least until the next time I go back.