Kenny Killed Facebook

This kid named Kenny killed facebook for me in 1981. He used to go around from person to person at my elementary school and ask in a nasally voice "Will you be my fffrrriiieeennndd?" It was kind of creepy. In fact, Kenny was kind of creepy. Not the kind of kid you wanted to be friends with. Actually, I have goose bumps right now thinking about it.

Right, so now, when I look at the facebook 'add friend' button I hear Kenny's weasely voice saying "Will you be my fffrrriiieeennnddd?" and I'm like 'hell no dude, you can't be my friend'. And then I just can't pull the trigger. I don't want to be that guy you know?

Not that I have a lot of friends in real life anyway, but my friend request disorder has really hampered my facebookosity. I mean, how can I show everyone my smart funnyness if I hear Kenny every time I go to pull the trigger on a friend request? Seriously. Thats what facebook is all about right? Making people think you are smart and funny, or good looking, or interesting, or whatever your particular hang up is?

Well I think those google people solved my problem for me. Those google people are freaking brilliant. So they fired up Google+, it's like a facebook ripoff but you can stereotype people into your own little 'circles'. You can have people in your 'friends' circle or your 'acquaintance' circle or your own custom circle. You know, like your 'AssHat' circle.

Right now you have to be invited to join, like when gmail was rolled out. You have to be pretty freaking cool to have an account. Fortunately I know some really cool people so I have one. Yeah, when I signed up there were only like 10,000,000 members. I am pretty sure that means I am in the top 10,000,000 coolest people on the planet. Which, I guess, doesn't sound so good - but really 10,000,000th out of 6 or 7 billion isn't bad right?

Umm, anyway, with the circle things when I invite people to join they may hear 'will you be my fffrrriiieeennnddd', but at the same time I will be hearing 'would you like to join my circle of asshattery?' - thereby circumventing the curse Kenny burdened me with in 3rd grade.

Yeah right, so if you are out there Kenny - yes, yes I will be your friend. I apologize for the delay, I was waiting for technology to catch up. I figure if you get hooked up now you can be in the top 200,000,000 coolest people or so.