It's Not Unusual...

I rode my bike about 5 hours over the weekend and didn't see anything unusual. That is, unless you consider a teenager riding an electric bmx bike while wearing rollerblades unusual. I learned two things. First, electric bikes don't go uphill very well. Second, it is hard to pedal while wearing rollerblades.

Yup nothing unusual at all...

Roadside Lost and Found: Episode 3, The Angry Little Man

Another day, another roadside treasure. Today I found an angry little man. I actually saw him first a few days ago, but didn’t pick him up till today.

I thought to myself – ‘Self, how did this angry little man get here – and why did he stay here so long’. Deep down we all know the truth, it goes something like this…

In the back seat of the family truckster –

Billy – Oooh look, another one of those tight and bright cycling guys, what can I throw at him? Ahhh, Angry Little Man!

Angry Little Man – Yes my Liege! (Bastogne-Liege)

Billy – I must throw you out the window at the offensive spandex guy. I want you to split his skull with your mighty battle axe.

Angry Little Man – I will relish it Master Billy.

Billy hucks Angry Little Man –

Billy – Yes! I hit that bike freak!

Angry Little Man – AHHHHHHHHHHH, smack!

Mom – Billy, did you just throw Angry Little Man at that loser biker?!?! He cost $ 0.50!

Billy – But mom, it was so tight and bright!

Meanwhile on the road –

Angry Little Man - Dooouuugghghhh, my mighty battle axe failed against his mighty helm.

Angry Little Man – Billy, Billy, Where are you! If only I could move, I would go find him.

Or something like that. Don’t be angry little man.

Roadside Lost and Found: Episode 2, Fredi the Tree Guy

Riding home yesterday and saw something shiny and blue on the road. OK, I’ll bite. Slow down, go back and pick this up…





Ummm, OK. Fredi? Pink Hardhat? Wow! ‘All 4 you contracting’. I am speachless.

It would be one thing if it were Freddy, and the hat were some color other than pink, but to use an ‘I’, and pink. Nuts man.

So it is one of those business card magnets. I took it to work today – we had a pool about whether it was real or a joke. Someone called Fredi. He is real. His hardhat is pink. He asked for his business card back.

Um no, I don’t think I am ready to meet Fredi.

Roadside Lost and Found: Episode 1, the Receiver Hitch Pin

When you spend a lot of time on the road, you find a lot of things on the road. My favorite thing to find is tools. A friend of mine from college really enjoyed finding porn – he was really good at it too.

It is pretty unbelievable how much crap there is out there – but probably even more interesting are the hidden mysteries associated with each item. For example, how did that shoe end up there, why is that cell phone smashed here, and recently for me – why the hell is there a receiver hitch pin on the side of the road…

In case you don’t recognize it, this little piece of metal is almost all that holds that huge boat, camper, or horse trailer onto the back of that huge (gas sucking) SUV or (diesel chugging)Ford F-350 that just roared past you. Every time I see one of these on the side of the road (twice now) I imagine there had to be a phone call like this…

(insurance guy) Hello, Joe’s Insurance…

(lost pin guy) Hi Joe, this is Richard, Richard Payne – I need to make a claim.

(insurance guy) Tell me what happened Mr. Payne…

(lost pin guy) Well, I was driving down Eagle Road and the boat just popped off the back of my truck…

(insurance guy) Weren’t you using safety chains?

(lost pin guy) Wwwhhhaaattt?

(insurance guy) Never mind, did the boat hit anything?

(lost pin guy) No, just bounced off some spandex freak bike guy. He left a smear down the side of the boat – but I am pretty sure it will buff out.

(insurance guy) Thank god it didn’t hit a mailbox or something, it may have damaged the fiberglass.

(lost pin guy) Yeah, no kidding.

(insurance guy) Thank God for small miracles…

The Best of Times, The Worst of Times

I think I might have stolen that phrase from someone. That’s ok, it wasn’t even a very good book – over rated. Not enough character development on Mr. Carton. Great Expectations was more my style. Anyhow…

The Tour of Eagle, it was the best of times, it was the worst of times. It was the best because my club supported the race, and almost all the people who volunteered showed up, better yet some people who didn’t volunteer showed up. Bonus!

It was the worst of times because my race SUCKED! I mean, it really SUCKED. It’s never good when a cat 3 loser like myself lines up behind someone from the local stud teams – BOB’s. Not good for the Cat 3 loser anyway. I think I got lapped maybe 10 laps in, probably not that many.

Now, I have never claimed to be a criterium rider, or even claimed to like them, but that was ridiculous. I do have 2 comforts though. The first is that a lot of other riders didn’t finish either. I even ran into a friend from another team before the end, we got dropped simultaneously and had a nice chat about it while we waited to get pulled.

One of my teammates even pulled me aside at the end and asked if anyone told me that this was a race, not a social ride? You know, sometimes you gotta take what you can get!

The second comfort is that I woke up the next day with a nasty cold. It must have impeded my performance the night before. That’s my excuse and I am sticking to it…

Climate Change

Someone told me yesterday it was Juneuary. That sounds about right.

Welcome to Juneuary everybody.

40 degree commute yesterday morning. I could see my breath. My nose was running. There was fresh snow in the foothills. Eff man.

Welcome to Juneuary indeed.

Stage 8: My Own Personal Hell

I wanted to pull over and cry. I would have but I didn’t have the energy. It was easier to keep pedaling.

About 66 miles into my 112 mile day the bonk hit. It hit hard. One minute I was ok, next BOOM!!! The shot heard ‘round my head. The first few times I got dropped I had the energy to yell. The next few I gasped. The next few I just grunted. Finally I decided screw it, they will notice I am not there in a while.

In retrospect I should have taken it easier on stage 7. In retrospect I should have eaten after stage 5 even though I felt like puking. In retrospect I should have chosen fat, slow team mates. In retrospect I shouldn’t have signed up in the first place. Ah, retrospect.

I ate all the gel in my jersey, I ate Milt’s energy food, I ate Chris’s gel. I drank all my water. I didn’t taste any of it. The only thing I tasted was pain.

My head didn’t start to spin till I was 5 miles from the transition. The hallucinations started a little bit after that. Do you see the size of that chicken? Oh, no – that’s just Milt – the legs looked like chicken. Sorry Milt. I hope hell isn’t like this.

We passed some people while I was in my own personal hell – it must have really sucked to be them.

Stage 8 finished. I hoped Darin rode slow – I had to ride stage 10. I ate a sandwich, I ate a banana, I drank a bottle of accelerade, I drank a bottle of water.

I got on my bike and rode in the 4 hole all the way to Ketchum behind Milt, Chris, and Darin averaging over 32 mph. Woo Hoo! What a ride.

I can’t wait till LP200 – 2009!