Seasonal Smells

It’s starting to warm up in b-town and that means it is starting to smell like butt. I think last Friday was the worst, probably the buttiest smelling day in the history of Boise. I mean, it was just rank. Don’t get me wrong, it was no Pocatello – and definitely couldn’t match the aroma of Lewiston, but it was pretty stanky. Maybe right about even with Nampa. Actually, maybe it was Nampa just stinking over into Boise.

This morning rocking the gb on the way to work I noticed that poop island down by the Shilo Inn was starting to wreak of well, you know, poop. Probably because that’s where the bums go to live, and poop. Some mornings it smells more like fried spam than poop, but these are hard economic times so there is no smellerific spam, just poop. I try to hold my breath when I ride through there.

That’s as close as I have come to training lately, holding my breath for a quarter mile on the gb. Unless you count velocache as training, then I have been training a bunch. And I think I am getting better. At velocache, not bike racing.

I thought for a while that the new seasonal smells may be my new baggies. That’s right, I got some new baggies for fathers day. They are rocking the spandexy inner liner, but without those undesirable cottage cheesy holes I talked about the other day. Much better.

They do have this little dippy downy part in the front of the liner by the zipper though – I assume that it is to make it easier to whip it out and take a leak. I hate it when people have to stop and take leaks during bike rides. I mean jesus dude, just because you can take a leak anywhere doesn't mean you should. And if you have to pee like every hour on a ride you aren't riding hard enough. Mix in some medication or something.

Yeah, they meant to make it easier to take a leak, but in reality they made it so you have to jam your bits all over to the side so you don’t get any rubbage from the zipper. I would gladly exchange a little difficulty in whizzing to prevent rubbage and having to go all Crying Game to get your bits out of trouble.

So anyhow, it wasn’t the shorts. The smell I mean, it wasn’t the shorts. I checked you know.

I gotta say that I have found the new baggy shorts liberating though. I got passed by a dude the other day and didn’t feel the need chase him down and pass him back. I even rode no hands for an entire mile the other day before I got embarrassed and used my hands. I also have to say I have found passing people wearing spandex while I am wearing baggies particularly enjoyable.

I decided that if wearing baggies was so good, that maybe I should try wearing regular clothes. Like without pads in the butt. Turns out, that wasn't so good. I can ride about 16.3 miles without padded britches before my taint turns to pancetta. Yeah, that was significantly below average. I am glad I have already met my kid quota.

So I am going to go make a velocache now.