Losing It

I about lost it on Saturday. Lost my marbles. Fell off my rocker. Came unhinged. Went postal. Certifiable. Mental. Gone bananas.

Yup, almost.

I was riding home all spandexed up in my LOOK!y kit. I stopped behind a car in the left turn lane from Main St in Eagle onto Eagle Rd – the light was green but the car in front of me was waiting for oncoming traffic. I was doing likewise.

The asshat on the bicycle behind me couldn’t be bothered to wait.

He zipped to my left, to the left of the car in front of me, cut off the oncoming car which was turning right, cut off the other oncoming car that was going straight, and nearly ran over a pedestrian in a cross walk. All that in one maneuver. While wearing white tube socks.

Considering where I was riding from, and the reason that I rode there I went berserk. Do you remember that game on the Atari? That was a good game – except for the part where the robots would walk into the walls by themselves. That was kind of odd.

Anyway, yeah, I was pretty much nuts. I waited for my turn through the intersection then chased like hell so I could lay into the jack ass. I am about to catch him at a red light and tell him about how he is making us all look bad by riding like a moron, and how you shouldn’t wear spandex knickers and white tube socks together – but the wanker runs the red light. Not like stops and looks both ways runs the light, like swerves over into the crosswalk and rides across the intersection without slowing down runs the red light. Yeah, like it is ok to run a red if you are in a crosswalk. Shitweasel.

I was more than a bit imbalanced when the light finally changed, and I took off like a rocket. I am just about to catch the bastard and tell him about red light laws, and that it is never ok to wear spandex bottoms with a t-shirt – especially a long sleeved t-shirt – then the ass-monkey runs another red light. Un-freaking believable.

At that point I think I was slobbering. I was rocking a minor case of derangement. When the light changed I probably went as fast as I ever had on a bike. I was about to catch the guy and punch him, and tell him that you can’t wear a camelback and ride a road bike – then he goes for the trifecta. Yes, three run red lights in a row. Stupid double up f-nut! I am pretty sure my eyes were bulging out of my head. Drivers were starting to notice.

Look at that slobbering, blathering, spandex clad biker with flames coming out his butt! I think he is going to kill that other guy!

So I am a couple hundred yards behind the knuckle dragger, he is going through another light – green this time! Of course he is riding up inside a car that is about to turn right in front of him, and has been signaling its intention to do so for a while. Luckily the driver had more sense than he did and waited for him.

The light is also at the intersection where I turn to go home. Should I keep chasing the butt ranger and explain to him about riding like a NYC bike messenger and its effect on others, or should I go home? I turned and went home to my family. I hope dickweed in the tube socks made it home to his.