In Motion

I decided that the easiest way to ensure that 2011 is better than 2010 was to make sure that the end of 2010 sucked. With that in mind I scheduled a root canal with a jury duty chaser to close out the decade. I tried to get vasectomized in there somewhere as well, but am afraid I failed, and that will contribute to the suckitude of 2011.

Turns out the delay in my fecundity modification doesn’t really matter. You see, I forgot about Newton’s first law of motion. Yeah, the one that says shit in motion tends to stay in motion. That’s right, a crappy end to last year just bleeds over into this year.

It seems that a root canal is the gift that keeps on giving. A week and a half out and it still hurts. I mean, not really hurts, more like throbs. Not really all the time, but some of the time. I called the dentist, he prescribed me some antibiotics. I am pretty sure that means that there is an infection spreading throughout my dome. Good times.

The achy tooth didn’t make jury duty much fun either. I used to think I wanted to try out jury duty, you know, because it would be interesting. Well, turns out when I got selected and it was entertaining. Entertaining all the way up until the time the kids started testifying about their dirtbag fathers lude and lascivious conduct. Freaking asshat.

I will admit that the 12 angry men scenario in the jury room was interesting as well. Yes, it was interesting, but not as interesting as it was frustrating and disappointing. Who would have thunk that one of the jurors was also a narrow minded fool? (No it wasn’t me).

Anyhow, yeah, crap experiences like that are a gift that keeps on giving well into the future. Now I am pretty sure that 1) I don’t like people, and 2) that innocent until proven guilty works best if you are guilty.

Maybe I would feel better about it if I had been riding my bike. But I haven’t. I am at the part of the winter training season where Frodo leaves the rest of the fellowship – normally at this point of the year Gollum would have burned in the lava by now, and maybe Luke would have had his hand chopped off by his dad. Yeah, normally by this time of the year I would have lost the feeling in my extremities at least dozen times – but this year, well this year, all my digits are fully functional. And my pants are fitting tighter.

Did I mention that my computer blew up? Well not actually blew up, just stopped functioning normally. It was trying to sell me bogus antivirus software to clean up the virus that it installed. When it wasn’t doing that it was trying to surf porn all by itself. Yup. Lesson learned. At any given time you are only one click away from trouble. On the bright side I should be one step closer to achieving my geek card for formatting my hard drive and re-installing my computers operating system. Oh yeah, and the battery is dead too – doesn’t charge and new one costs more than the computer is worth.

The brakes on my truck are squeaking. The front tires on my truck are something less than treaded, but they are slightly less worn than the tire on my favorite bike wheel. The homeowners association raised my fees and doesn’t like it when they can see my garbage cans.

One of my dogs still eats the other dogs poop. On the bright side I only have to pick up one dogs worth of poop. We started feeding my old dog expensive joint medication – it is working. It gives the old dog more energy to get into trouble.
The Best of Bootie 2010 mashup album came out, but it isn’t as good as it used to be. That’s ok, mine isn’t either.

Anyhow, the point is, like Newton said, shit in motion stays in motion.