It Makes Me Feel Better

I saw this deal on the internets yesterday that was like a flow chart of all the different kind of facebook profile pictures. I got all excited because I thought it was going to provide some analysis of what your profile pic says about you – but I was a little disappointed. I mean, there was a little about that, and it was pretty good, but a little brief.



And a little wrong. I mean all that stuff about what pictures with only a portion of your face mean was complete bull crap. If you have a facebook pic that only shows part of your face it means one of two things. Either you are lazy or technologically inept. Really, you are either too lazy to move the picture around to show your mug, or you are too stupid to know how to do it.

A few things I would like to add...

If your profile picture has friends in it, your identity has an unhealthy connection to those of your friends. Especially if your friends look very similar to you.

If your profile picture has extended family in it your identity has an unhealthy connection to your family. I mean family is good, its even ok to look like them, but its ok to step away.

If your profile picture has one of your kids in it you lost your identity somewhere along the line – you should change your profile name to ‘so-and-so’s dad’. If your profile pic only has your kid and not you – well you are hiding behind your kid. That’s unhealthy. You should just change your profile name to your kids and give up.

If you are a guy and your profile pic is primarily your wife or gf you are probably bragging. You know, like ‘yeah, I hit that’. That is probably unhealthy.

If you are a girl and your profile pic is primarily your husband or bf your identity has an unhealthy connection to your significant other. Either that, or you are bragging. You know, like ‘yeah, I hit that’.

If your pic has you and a famous person in it you have an unhealthy fascination with famous people. That’s not good for your identity. If your pic just has a famous person and no you, well, that’s even worse. You got issues.

If your pic is from a perspective below you and looking up you have an unhealthy inferiority complex and having a fb pic like that is the only way you can make yourself feel better about yourself.

If your pic is from above looking down at you, your identity is unhealthily tied to your cleavage and you are probably a junior high girl. And like the other article said, you may be a slut.

If your pic is of you in some sporting equipment your identity has an unhealthy connection to your hobbies and you should spend more time with your family.

If your pic is of you at work, well, you should change it. Unhealthy connection to work. The most unhealthy connection of all.

If your profile pic is some sort of landscape you want people to think you are deep and contemplative. But you probably aren’t.

If your profile pic is of you and a dead animal you harvested – you should just change it to one of your face that is taken from a lower perspective. See above.

If your profile picture is someone other than you, you are paranoid. Or in jail. Or will be in jail. Jail is unhealthy.

I could go on, but you probably get the picture. If you have a fb profile pic you are probably unhealthy. If you have a fb account without a profile pic you have the stock fb phallic symbol assigned to your profile. This probably means you are too smart to get involved in fb, but you are afraid to be left behind by your friends (virtual or otherwise). This is unhealthy.

Yeah, so fb is unhealthy.

I have to go update my status.