Right Field May Have Been Better

I have an aversion to public restrooms. And by public, I mean restrooms that aren’t in my house or at my office. I mean, the one at work is public and all, but you kind of get used to it after a while – even that little piece of button that has been stuck to the floor in there for the past five years.

I think everyone has it. The aversion, not the piece of button. I mean, if you like public restrooms you’re not all there are you.

It could have been there longer. The button, not the aversion. I mean it was there when I started working in this building like 5 years ago. At least I know if I lose something on the floor the janitor won’t pick it up.

So anyhow, it was much to my chagrin the other day when I was out to dinner that I had to use the public restroom. It wasn’t that I really needed to go, I mean really needed to go – it’s just that I was going to coach my sons baseball game after dinner, and going to the bathroom there would be really unsavory.

Some kid - “Hey what is coach doing in right field”

My son – “Looks like number two”

Yeah, that would be bad so I hit the restroom at the Red Robin. I like the Red Robin. I went in stall number 2 – it looked the safest. So there I am, minding my own business. I look over on the tp dispenser and I see this…



Nothing goes together like religious propaganda and pooping. I’m not really sure, but I don’t think this is what Jesus had in mind when he said go ye forth and spread the message. I’m just saying. I don’t think putting pamphlets in bathrooms is the path to heaven, but I have been wrong before.

Speaking of heaven, I did read the booklet and found – much as I had suspected- that heaven is a place just a little to the left of where you are now.



Yup, as you can see he moved to the right - didn't end so well. You go to the left and...

That’s all I have to say about that.

I am tempted, however, to go to church just so I can stand up and say that I found Jesus in the bathroom stall at Red Robin. You know, because you don’t see that every Sunday.