Fredding Bogus Basin Road

So I decided to role out a little half bogus nooner today.

I noticed immediately that my legs were feeling a little bit of running and riding funkiness from the last few days. But that’s ok because, you know, I’m down with being funky.

Right so anyway I get to the bottom of the hill and start climbing. I see this dude like a half mile up the road and start closing slowly. My fred radar is going off, because the only people that I catch going up bogus are freds. Yeah, if I catch you going up bogus – you might be a fred.

Anyhow, I role up behind said fred. As I pass I say ‘hi, how you doing’ – because I am social as hell. Well that, and because there is nothing more annoying than getting passed going uphill by someone who still has the ability to speak.

Well, maybe because my talking to him, or maybe because he is a fred, after I pass the dude I hear the gear change.

Fuck. Seriously?

Right. Now I have this fred going all human centipede on me up bogus.

What is the protocol for that anyway? You know, when you pass someone riding down the road should they ask permission to sit on your wheel or is it acceptable to just do it? It seems to me that you should at least say something so you know that they are there. I mean when I get passed I usually just watch whoever ride away, but if I do want to sit on I will ask if they mind if I sit on.

However, when I pass people they all just try to hop on. Then I go a little faster. Then if they are still there I go a little bit faster. Then if they are still there I go a little faster. It is all somewhat tiring and disruptive. Especially when you are funky.

That’s what I thought about as fred sat on my wheel over the top of the first hill down towards the corrals.

I figured it wasn’t that big of a deal because the guy was going to drop off eventually anyway right? I mean if he could climb that fast I wouldn’t have caught him in the first place right?

Well with me being cool and funky, and fred being, well freddly – he stuck there for like 2 miles. Damn. Must have been a fast fred. Surely that was a carbon fiber pie plate he was rocking in his back wheel.

I hate it when that happens.

I Want to be a Runner

The other day riding my bike to the office seemed like a good idea, and it was going pretty well till I was rolling down the hallway and was about to attempt the tricky turn through the office door when the boss’s boss walked out into the hallway.

Talk about awkward silence. It was like the guy hadn’t seen someone riding a bike before. He finally said something about being pretty sure we had some kind of policy about that. I told him I hadn’t seen it yet.

Then there was the other day when I thought that riding through the flood water on the gb would be funner if I went faster. And I was right, except that I didn't know that fenders stop working at a certain level of fun-ness.

And of course there was the other other day when I thought that racing my bike might be a good idea, and well, it wasn't. Turns out that some of the other bike racers have been training. Huh.

Then there was the day I thought it might be fun to do the bike race with the mile long dirt section. That would have been ok if I didn't have to ride the dirt section twice - because apparently I only brought one dirt section worth of fitness and tires.

And today. Well today I was riding home and heard my bike making a new sound.

Now I am know stranger to bike sounds, but I hadn't heard this one before. It sounded like the top layer of my back tire had separated from the sidewalls and was rubbing against the frame and fender. It sounded a lot like that actually.

Did you know you can ride at least 4 miles with the top of your tire separated from the sides?

Yeah well, you can, but apparently at some point it causes your chain to bust.

Riding a bike without a chain is hard.

Shit like this makes a guy want to be a runner.

Who Are They Fracking Now?

Saw this in the news this morning.



Um, yeah. Horizontal fracking would be controversial to the governor and legislature - especially with an open door.

Normally they prefer their drilling bent over behind closed doors.

Behold, The End is Nigh...

Today while I was riding my bike to work I thought to myself, for the first time ever, that I would rather be running.

Recumbent Guy

When you pull up to a stop light on a bicycle nine of the ten things that can happen to you are bad. The tenth thing is nothing. Nothing happening is the only good thing that can happen to a guy on a bike at an intersection.

That’s why yesterday when I was waiting at a stop light and I heard something peculiar behind me I knew immediately it was bad. Yeah, so I hear something and I take the slow peak over my shoulder to see what devilry awaits.

It was worse than I thought. That’s right, recumbent guy had rolled up behind me on his tricycle. It was one of those jobs with two wheels in front and one in the back, with the big phallic shield in front – I guess to make it aero, but it mostly made it look like a penis with wheels to me.

But that’s just me.

So why does every guy that rocks a recumbent look like the ‘most interesting man in the world’ from the dos equis adds? That’s what I want to know. And why does every guy on a recumbent actually think he is the most interesting man in the world, and carry himself with an air of smugness? I guess the same reason bike racers carry an air of asshole-edness.

So I knew the guy was going to try and pass me. You don’t rock a phallic shield and not think you’re fast.

When the light changed I went the passive aggressive route and accelerated up to about 22. Not fast, but just fast enough the recumbent guy would have to work to get around me – which he eventually did.

The bike lane on Eagle Road is like 12 feet wide. I generally like to use the 3-4 feet farthest away from traffic – you know, so I don’t get hit by some wankers snowmobile trailer floating over the white line. Snowmobile trailers scare me.

Apparently recumbent guy has no such inhibitions. He placed his left wheel firmly on the wrong side of the white line and rocked down Eagle Road. I dug out my phone and took pictures…



I am sure dude thought he was being visible or something misguided like that. I am sure he thought the little bronco flag he was sporting on the fiberglass bike flag pole swaying behind him was making him visible too. Right, a blue and orange flag hardly blends in around this town does it?

I wonder why people in cars hate people on bikes.

So apparently it isn’t easy to ride a johnson with wheels faster than 22 mph for very long, because I caught the guy and passed him without changing my speed from the light. (This would be the aggressive part of passive aggressive).

When I passed the guy he was clearly exerting himself. I am all for exerting yourself while in a reclined position, I just don’t think it should involve a bike.

I kinda wanted to drop something on him when I went past – because it would have been so easy, but I gave him the schmirk with head nod instead.

Unstupider

In case you were wondering, the water in the tunnel at the Glenwood bridge is too deep to ride without getting your feet wet, or at least one foot wet depending on how you rock it.

Fenders keep your butt dry in deepish water though - thanks for that.



You might also be interested to know it is moderately uncomfortable riding 8 miles in 30 degree temperatures with one wet foot.

And that stuff about wool keeping you warm even when its wet? Well that's crap.

Actually I'm not sure about the last one, both my feet were freak'n cold when I got to work. It took a few minutes in the shower before I could feel them, and when I could feel them it was bad.

I wonder if submerging your hubs in water is a bad thing?

Oh, and the water under the Broadway bridge? You can rock that feet dry - just go around the sign, closed doesn't mean you. Just watch out for the falling column.

Right, anyway you may have noticed that we are witnessing the annual demonstration of ‘oh shit’ water management here in river city.

Over several years of observation and questioning I have come to understand that the whole process (water management) goes something like this…

So in the winter dudes go out with fancy scientific sticks and sample the snow pack in various places to measure the water content. They come back to the office and do some fancy math to estimate how much water there is in different drainages.

Since they didn't measure all the snow in the whole area they put confidence intervals around they're estimate. It looks like this...



It means if they did the whole process 100 times that the estimate would come out between A and B 95 times. Most of the time it would be around C.

Right so if you were a smart guy you would guess there was C amount of water in the hills and adjust the water flow out of the reservoirs accordingly.

If you were a safety conscious conservative guy you would guess there was B amount of water in the hills and adjust the water flow out of the reservoirs accordingly - minimizing the chance of a flood.

Now if you were a farmer you would assume there is only A amount of water in the hills. You would keep every damn drop of water in the reservoirs until you were positive they would be full plus some. Then, if by chance there was really more water in the hills than A - you would go 'oh shit' and raise the water flowing out of reservoirs until homes along rivers were at risk. If you are lucky you squeak by without flooding homes, but if something unusual happens - like rain or record high temperatures at the wrong time - well, then someone gets wet. Usually someone in Eagle.

Guess what system they use here. Guess who pressures politicians to make sure they use that system. Guess who the politicians pressure.

It's all rather stupid.

Don't get me wrong. I am all for the annual douching of Garden City. I'm not all against flooding the homes of people who were stupid enough to build homes in a flood plain in Eagle either.

It's just that having a house along the river is stupider than it has to be. It could be relatively unstupider. And that is annoying.

Emissions

A friend sent me this email today. It had a bunch of pictures of people exhibiting questionable parenting skills. They were all kind of funny, you know, in a shocking sort of way – but this one really jumped out at me. Duh, because there is a bike.

A sweet roadmaster I might add.



Right so when I saw the picture I had several thoughts…

Those people should wear helmets. It would be uncomfortable to have a helmet in your butt.

I bet it is more uncomfortable to be a thong than to wear a thong.

I wonder if that kid had the doll when she sat down there, or if, you know – she found it.

What exactly does that woman have in common with the butterfly tattooed on her ankle.

Oh god, is that an Idaho license plate on that car?

Yes, yes it is. Canyon County to be exact. Yeah, where they don’t want to test for emissions…

I’m gonna leave that one there.