Who Invited Coleslaw?

So at work today we had a morale building Oktoberfest at work. Except they took out all the morale building stuff, namely the beer and work inappropriate costumes. So in the end I am thinking morale isn’t any better. Maybe a little worse, because now everyone has gas from brauts, and sauerkraut. And oh yes, my favorite coleslaw.

Does anyone like coleslaw ? I mean really? Yeah I am sure that some people eat it, but does anyone really, you know, like it?

I was lying. Coleslaw is not my favorite. I pretty much hate it. I think it may be my dislike of mayonnaise. Which stems from my extreme dislike of vinegar. Which stems from my disdain of the smell of vinegar.

Have you ever gone to a restaurant and seen something that sounds good on the menu, but then you see it comes with coleslaw, and it ruins the entire meal. Its like when you go somewhere really cool, but there is that one guy there – the guy that no one invited, he just like followed you there – and the cool thing isn’t quite as cool as it could be because that guy is there? Yup its like that. That guy is coleslaw.

Who invited coleslaw?

Depressing

Something about New Hope being a Dead End just depresses me.

Like

You know on Facebook they have that little 'Like' link? Yeah, well, they need a 'Don't Like' link. Thats all I've got to say about that.

The Season For New Friends

So I made two friends today when I was out for my noon time ride. It doesn’t happen very often, and honestly I usually do my best to steer clear of it. I mean, not to be rude, but I sorta got a schedule you know?

I ran into these two on the greenbelt out by Lucky 13 – you know, the bumpy ass section. Anyway, yeah, run into them out by Lucky 13. My first instinct to extract myself from the situation immediately. But deep down I know that my chances of being happy at the end of the ride will be much greater if I finish it with these two.

I kind of thought they might get dropped in one of the rough sections, or around some of the corners, or surely on a hill. Nope. They were right on my tire all the way out to Lucky Peak, across the dam, to the boat ramp and all the way back to Municipal Park. At that point I thought it was my lucky day. It was looking pretty good that I was going to be happy at the end of my ride.

Then they broke off and disappeared. Ah hell, I just pedaled back to work and hoped for the best. Despite losing my 2 new friends and going back to work I still felt pretty good.

I didn’t get any pictures of my friends but I found this picture on the internet of some similarly endowed…

Speaking of friends. It came to my attention today that in order to be good at the Mafia Facebook game that more friends is better than less friends. I am going to have to get over my fear of making friends and start being nice to people. I just read The Godfather, so I think it might be kind of cool to be a Don.

So yeah, I need more friends so I can be better at killing people (in a game). I’m sure there is a message in that somewhere, but I don’t have time to explore it.

I wonder if Goatheads will be my Facebook friend? Probably not.

Don Elmer sounds kind of stupid anyway.

The Prodigal Son

The other day my 6 year old son decided that his homework wasn’t challenging enough – so he made up his own…

Yeah there is an error or two, but what do you expect from a six year old that has to make up the questions AND the answers.

He also got in trouble the other day at school for playing tackle football (I’m so proud).

Which behavior do you think he inherited from me?

No need to answer that.

Summer Insults 2009

I was riding my bike the other day and had a little run in with a motorist. It got me reflecting on some of the things I have been saying lately. I realized that I keep going back to the same insults, my top 3 insults of summer 2009. Here they are…

Wanker. Wanker is one of my favorites every year, not just 2009. I picked it up when I was in college and lived with a British guy. Yeah, he didn’t speak American –just English. Wanker was one of his favorite words. That ‘crazy bird’ and ‘bloody hell’.

I like that one too; bloody hell. He always said ‘bloody hell mate’. A lot of times he would mix em up like ‘bloody hell mate, what crazy bird’, or ‘bloody hell mate, that guys a bit of a wanker –isn’t he?’

I remember the first time I met him. He asked me if he could ‘bum a fag’. I was like, yeah, that’s your business man – leave me out of it.
Anyway, yeah, wanker. Definitely top 3.

Recently I have been calling people republicans a lot. You have to understand, I live in the most republican state on the planet – or at least it seems that way. Our state leaders set a great example.

The republican governor comes out and says he wants the first hunting tag for a species which at that time was on the endangered species list.

His opponent in the next primary election one ups him by saying he would buy an Obama tag and follows up by refusing to apologize.

The highlight or our last republican congressman’s short stint in D.C. was trying to repeal the law of gravity.

Then our most esteemed republican senator, well he went to the bathroom in Minnesota but didn’t go potty. He did something else. Then he admitted he did. Then he changed his mind and he didn't. Then he didn't run for re-election and gave up saying that he didn't (because he did). Yes, I am confused too.

Yeah, I don’t know what would give me the impression that republicans are otherwise intelligent people who are blinded by faith, ambition, and tradition. I don’t know why I call narrow minded statements and behavior ‘so very republican’.

I don’t know why, but it is in the top 3 this year.

My favorite new insult this year was ‘ass hat’. I don’t really know where I picked that one up, I think from one of my friends. Honestly, I didn’t know what it meant until I googled it. I know, what an ass hat I am, huh? I really just like the way it sounds. It just feels right to say it.

Go ahead. Try it. What an ass hat.

You know you liked it.

Snake River Handicap

As a bike racer if you lose your will to suffer, you pretty much got nothin.

Saturday I lost my will to suffer. I lost it somewhere between the steep hill and the field of goat-heads at the end of the first lap. The next couple laps I went as fast as I could without, you know, suffering.

Near the end of lap 3 I ran out of water so I stopped where I saw some friends out on the course. They offered me beer - or water.
Two roads diverge in a field of goat-heads.

Me? I chose the one less travelled.

I may not have won the race (or even finished), but I am pretty sure that I am the only one who stopped to drink beer with friends in the middle. Did you know dos equis helps make you the most interesting man in the world?



Stay thirsty my friends.